Dialogue Part 3

DIALOGUE PART 3

Or: "Who said whatnow?" 

 

The comments: "Your characters all sound generic/the same." Or "I can't tell people apart when they're talking." Or "Your dialogue scenes are eye-gougingly boring."

What they might mean:

1)    Some, if not all, of your characters talk with a similar vocabulary and sentence structure.

2)    Some, if not all, of your dialogue scenes lack tension.

Let's pull on our serious pants early this week because we're wading into the deeper end of the "Dialogue Revision" Pool. This part of my Dialogue Module might require complete rewrites of your scenes or a literal re-vision of your plot.

To address Point 1, answer these questions: Do you have more than one character in your story? Yes.

Do your characters speak to each other in dialogue scenes? Yes.

Now the most important part: Are your characters clones of each other. Like, seriously, clones that were born/hatched at the same time, raised in the same way, want the same exact thing? No?

Ok, then why do they all sound alike?

Here's where it can get a little tricky. When you're reading your own WIP, you can hear the characters' voices in your head. However, the characters' Voices may all look and sound the same to your readers. (An experienced Beta will pinpoint this quickly, a casual reader may not, but may feel there's something "off" about your dialogue scenes.)

The way to spot it on your own WIP is to take a big chunk of early dialogue and look only at the words the characters say. Try to pick a chunk with only two speakers.

Next, remove the dialogue attribution tags.

Now, can you easily tell who is speaking which lines?

If you can, awesome. If not, tweak the sample. Now would be a good time for those Character 5x5s from the Character Module!

With the Character 5x5s (or whatever Character Bible you're using) pick apart each line of dialogue.

Does each line reflect the Character's background of education, birthplace, reason for being in the story? Are you using words the Character would have picked up at some point? Did you put the words together the way the character would? Did you make the Character sound like a stereotype or a genre trope?

Here's an example of one dialogue line tweaked to reflect information from four different Character 5x5s:

"I want you to steal the next load of slaves and get them ready for the party."

"Procure the shipment, would you? And please make sure they're appropriately dressed for the gala."

"Snatch the next batch of hodads and paint'em up for the hoedown."

"Reappropriate the incoming cargo. Tonight, they should look like low-hanging fruit to besieged peasants."

For your WIP, check your dialogue scenes for how true you stay to the Characters you created. 

Now let's look at Part 2: Lack of tension in dialogue scenes.

This is most likely due to one simple thing, which unfortunately might not be simple to fix:

Each Character speaking should have his or her or its own motive for saying what they say, when they say it.

Buckle down, pen in hand, and examine an early 2-person scene. Let's call them Bob and Andromeda.

If Bob and Andromeda are talking in a scene, that dialogue scene must first fulfill the basic reasons for inclusion:

Does it:

1)    Develop the characters.

2)    Move the plot forward.

3)    Reinforce/develop the themes.

Ideally, the dialogue scene must fill all three requirements to justify its existence. If not, it should be spectacularly strong in two aspects. If only in one, see if you can work it in another way because it would be the first thing on the chopping block for me.

Next, take a look at the scene from your Main Character's perspective. Let's say it's Bob. Does Bob want something from Andromeda? (Answer should be an easy yes. His motive should be fairly clear to the reader because his stake in the conversation becomes the reader's stake in the conversation.)

Now, take a look at the scene from the secondary character's perspective, Andromeda. Does Andromeda want something from Bob? In other words, does Andromeda have a stake in how the conversation ends? This is the sticking point. Finding Andromeda's motive. Could be as simple as not wanting to talk. Could be as complex as trying to hide  her involvement in Bob's horse's murder.

Andromeda's motive must exist and be clear to you, the writer, but doesn't have to be crystal clear to the reader. In fact, as a reader, most of the fun I experience with dialogue scenes is trying to figure out why the fuck people don't just say what they know or what they're hiding, or trying to figure out what they want from the MC. But it's the writer's job to find the sweet spot between showing enough of the secondary character's motivation to make the scene interesting, and showing too much and rendering the conversation too convenient for plot.

In your WIP, if you find a dialogue scene where tension falls or levels off, make sure each person speaking has a personal reason for speaking or resisting.

Also, if you find that some dialogue scenes boil down to a "Question and Answer" session, see if you can weave what the MC finds out into action, introspection, internal monologue or narration, or narrative worldbuilding.

Here's how these two aspects of dialogue come together in your WIP:

Great dialogue is like a symphony. Each character's voice is a specific instrument, and each character has a unique part. Even when several instruments are layered together, you can still hear the violin, the clarinet, the flute or piano. But it's harder to hear the differences between instruments, and therefore, the beauty of the piece, if they're playing the same melody at the same time.

Happy Writing and Revising!

J (follow me on twitter! @joanwip) 

Coming Up:

More Dialogue

Passive

Verbing

Robert Bevan 

Nat Russo

If you'd like my take on a writerly subject, tweet me! 

CHARACTERS Part 4

CHARACTERS Part 4

The Promise 

So you're absolutely sure you have a compelling, unique,specific Main Character (MC) who can lead a reader through your story. 

Chapter One is like the first few dates in which the reader gets to know MC (and you!) through voice and thoughts and perhaps some conflict. The whirlwind courtship hopefully ends in an exchange of promises. 

The reader promises to read the rest of MC's (and your) story. You (and your MC) promise to be as truthful and clear as you can in recounting events so they make sense. 

But if you're getting comments from your Betas or friends that some things are "confusing" or "don't make sense" in regards to your Protagonist, you might be breaking those promises. 

Here are two common ways that promise is broken:

Change in Character Voice

Out-of-Character Moment

I see the Change in Character Voice most often in Portal Fantasy, when a character from "our real world" goes through a portal or somehow gets transported into a fantasy realm. (However, it can happen in any genre, usually due to a huge gap in Real World time between writing chapters, like doing the first half of the book, taking a long break, then finishing it.)

For now, let's look at the portal fantasy example. In chapter one, MC was a Californian, perhaps saying things like "Dude was totes ice about me slumping in on his Betsy." (Translation: The man was very angry when I complimented his girlfriend.) Or thinking things like "We had to drive two hours in the middle of bum-f*ck nowhere, past stinky brown fields of future steaks, to get to the stupid town that smelled like week-old Taco Bell and had no free wi-fi." 

But as soon as he's ported over to fantasy realm, suddenly he thinks things like "The green valley stretched towards the horizon like a gossamer gown of emerald lace. Vermillion banners, embossed with an iridescent sapphire glyph, were hung across the parapets and barbicans spanning the ancient footbridge." 

That extreme example seems like a no-duh no-no, but check your WIP for instances where your MC starts talking and thinking in a way which doesn't match your character 5x5. 

Can you match that scene to an answer of one of those five questions: Who is your character? What profession/social class is your character? Why is your character the Point of View through which you're showing that particular scene at that particular moment? Etc. 

The example violates the "What is your character?" question and should be changed, which might indicate a drastic revision for the whole story to maintain the promise of your Character's Voice. 

It's not going to be as simple as going back to chapter one and saying "oh, by the way, California dude studied castles in college." The information he knows might be believable, but not the drastic change in his voice. You might have to go back and carve in some foreshadowing about the change in how he thinks in order to make the change itself believable, tone down the differences, or stretch the change so it's more gradual.

Another ways to lose Character Voice, reaching for familiar cliches or lack of realistic descriptions:

MC is a farm boy or sorcerer in a fantasy realm and describes another character eviscerating someone "with the precision of a surgeon" or leaping off a building "with the grace of Jeremy Lin."

Or MC is a surgeon and describes a scalpel as "the pointy thing next to the whirlygig."

 

 

Caveat! Don't over edit and make the Character's voice monotone. People have different ways of speaking in different contexts. For example, a classic noble-born medieval fantasy hero traditionally speaks with a different register and uses different words when speaking with "commoners" versus with superiors. A Young Adult will speak differently to his or her parents, versus with peers, versus with teachers or a cop who pulls him over. 

Keep your 5x5 card handy. Refer to it. If the Character's Voice, reactions, and dialogue within the scene are faithful to your list of answers, the issue might not be the Character but a different aspect (plot hole, description clarity) of the scene.  

The Out-of-Character moment usually happens later in the story, when the MC literally acts in a way which takes him out of the role he's been filling. I'm not talking about a character acting a little differently from a stereotype or trope, like a good guy stealing an apple or a bad guy petting a dog. 

Nor am I talking about the Character surprising us, like choosing to pursue Best Friend through Forest of Evil instead of chasing after Love Interest to Ends of the Earth. 

It's when the Character does something with no explanation for his motives, as if everything that would explain why he chooses not to pursue Best Friend or save Love Interest and instead goes home and knits a sweater happened off screen or in a scene you deleted. 

Perhaps you never wrote the scene. Perhaps that scene is in your head, so it makes perfect sense to you why your Main Character goes home to knit the sweater. Perhaps several chapters later you reveal that the sweater is actually a cloning device which will allow Main Character to be in two places at once, thereby saving both Best Friend and Love Interest. 

If you didn't foreshadow this, if you didn't show enough of his planning or thought process, if you didn't even hint at the possibility that this could be done, if none of the other characters comment on MC being "different," you've broken your promise to the reader to be as truthful as possible. You're being coy and sacrificing the reader's trust in order to have a surprise. 

It doesn't read as "ooh, surprise!" It reads as "Damn writer doesn't know what he or she is doing." 

Like I've said before, you can't be behind every reader's shoulder, whispering "keep going, I totally explain why he does this in the next chapter." 

In your WIP, try to foreshadow, try to plant clues, try to be truthful. 

Lastly, here's a list of some situations which may cause abrupt changes in Character Voice or cause Out-of-Character moments. Check with your Betas to see if you or your Main Characters break your promises. 

Love Interest Totally Reciprocates Feelings (usually ties up storylines, and might literally weaken Main Character.)

Heinous Act Pushing MC Past Point of No Return (Plot point forces Heroic MC to act in a traditionally un-Heroic manner, ie. killing an innocent, infidelity, usurpation of a throne, cheating on an exam.)

Virtuous Act Pushing Ancient Evil Past Point of No Return (Plot point forces baddie to act in a WTF way, usually as an attempt to humanize or garner sympathy for baddie, ie. saving Hero's Love Interest's life, not completely killing Hero's BFF.)

Team Win! (Plot point forces Hero and Villain to work together to save the world, save Prom, save a puppy. Are they only too glad to be working together at long last? Do they bounce back to original roles, or did you create new ones for them?) 

For your WIP, the best way to see how successful you are in keeping your promises is to first go through the story with your 5x5 card or with your character interviews. Then, have some Betas go through it – without the aid of your 5x5 and answers – and check where your message gets garbled. 

Characters – people – naturally change and in real life, we don't always know or understand why. But in a story, whose main goal is to be understood, drastic changes without plausible explanation can hurt your story's credibility and your credibility as a writer. 

Happy Writing!

J

Coming Up:

Laura Oliva

Dialogue

Dialogue Tags

Passive

Verbing

Robert Bevan 

Nat Russo

 

CHARACTERS Part 2

CHARACTERS Part 2

The Good, the Bad, the Fugly…

Oh, and the Quirky, the Snarky, and the Underdog.

 

The Comments: "Your story has a really weak/slow/boring start." Or "Your main character is really predictable." Or "I couldn't get past chapter two."

What they might mean: Your protagonist is too generic, too good to be true, or so pathetic or predictable they're unappealing.

Does that sting? 

Here's why: The deepest secret about main characters is they're shards of our souls we've somehow managed to chip off and flung into another world.

That's why critiques about them hurt more than critiques about plot, theme, etc. Because it feels like a critique against our selves. We've written our selves into the story and when someone says "Oh, the protagonist was completely idiotic," it stings like they've insulted us. 

The Good:

Perhaps we've made the protagonist everything we wish we could be? Super smart, strong, ripped like Beckham 

"I could totally carry your story."

or as stunning as Michelle Pfeiffer in Ladyhawke.

"I do the rescuing, right? Riiiight?"

Someone who knows exactly the right thing to do at the right moment, who always has a clever quip or a witty one-liner. With "just the right amount of vulnerability to make him endearing". An allegorical saint or Hollywood ideal. In other words, Too Good To Be True.

The Bad:

Or perhaps we've made the protagonist everything we hate about ourselves (or someone else – which is just a manifestation of something we do hate about ourselves but we can't/won't admit it.) Our protagonist is physically weak, intellectually weak, or morally weak. Perhaps they're too passive at work, in bed, in life. The classic underdog (and lordy, there's a lot of underdog protagonists right now – so many that it's become rather stereotypical and predictable.) 

The Fugly:

Or perhaps the greatest offense. We create a protagonist that embodies perceptions of what people want them to be. We stuff ourselves into a genre trope – the hard-boiled detective, the emotionally-damaged hero or heroine with a mysterious past, the super spesh stable boy who somehow overcomes his impoverished surroundings, finds a magical sword, and saves the kingdom from Ancient Evil. The Fugly hero or heroine who, at some point in the story, undergoes a metamorphosis via makeover to become a swan that everyone desires. 

The Good, the Bad, and the Fugly main characters are good starting points but can they carry a story? No.

Why? Because they're such commonplace extremes that it can be difficult to know them as real people. It's just as easy to hate someone who is too good to be true as it is to hate someone with qualities you already dislike. And boy is it easy to ignore someone you've met a thousand times in a thousand different books.

The danger to your WIP is this: the canned Good, Bad, Fugly becomes a puppet. He only is what you want him to be (what you wish you could be or what you wish you could change about your life). He only does what you want him to do (what you wish you could do or what you wish you could stop doing). Or worse - he only is and does what dozens of his predecessors have done before in the genre. No surprises. 

Yes, yes, I know Ancient Evil or Stunning Rival does something to him in chapter two, but check his reaction. Does he react the way you would react, the way you want him to react to suit your plot, or the way he would react if he was real and alive? 

(By the way, this is where that 5x5 Character Manifest fromlast week's post would come in handy. Check his reaction with one or a combination of what you answered for the Who, What, Why, etc.: Protag does X because of the answer to Why.)

I'll offer an example from my personal life a few years back.

I was desperately single. Like, will-date-anyone-with-a-pulse single. So friends and coworkers tried to set me up. A lot.

A coworker, Davey, came up to me one day.

"Hey J, I have a nephew who's single," said Davey.

"Oh yeah? What's he like?"

Davey showed me a photo of a smooth-cheeked, blue-eyed Marine.

"He's hella cute. How old is he?" I said.

"Just turned twenty."

"F*ck, Davey, I'm not a cradle robber, for f*ck's sake!" (I cuss a LOT in real life.)

"How the hell am I supposed to know how old you are? Besides, he don't care. I don't care," said Davey.

"Well I –"

"He's real nice. And real smart."

"So?"

"And he's really … nice. And good-looking, right?" Davey started turning red.

"And?" I knew a lot of nice, handsome, smart men in uniform. Married, related to me, or gay.

"He's quirky," said Davey.

"What the f*ck does that mean to me?"

"It's the thing to say now, right? Quirky." Davey scratched his head. "How about snarky?"

"Do you even know what those words mean?" I said. "Quirky is just a social construct based on the zeitgeist. In the 1800's, a woman who wanted the right to vote was quirky. Quirky means nothing more than what you think is f*cking cutely odd. It's a value judgment. Like saying someone's beautiful. Means nothing cuz you're idea of beauty is completely different from my idea –"

"He's quirky, snarky, and … and…"

"And what?" I shoved him in exasperation. "Tell me something about him that makes him special. Why would I want to date him instead of any other guy on the street?"

"Oh!" Davey said, eyes wide. "He has perfect pitch. You name a note and he can sing it, play it on his saxophone, or tune a violin to it."

And that right there immediately made Davey's nephew more real. The fact that he could do something unique – not terribly rare, not earth-shatteringly abnormal. Neither "likeable" or "unlikeable". Just… different.

Davey not only told me about that talent, he showed it to me by giving me an example of what his nephew does with it.

A character moving immediately gets more attention than a character standing still and blending in with his background. 

More importantly, that detail separated Davey's nephew from an ideal, from your ideals, from stereotypes and predictability. Davey stopped feeding me lines he thought I wanted to hear and started describing his nephew as a real person doing real things. 

If the comments and critiques at the top sound familiar, take a step back from the WIP and pitch your protagonist to a friend (or, if you're like me, random stranger in line at Costco) and follow the line of questions until you get the Specific and Unique details that transform your protagonist from character to dateable human being.

Then, in your WIP: how quickly can you convince me to "date" - aka, spend time with - your protagonist. Can you do it in the first chapter? Can you do it in paragraph 16? Can you do it on page one? Can you do it from the opening line? 

Happy writing and revising!
J

Coming up:
More Character

Dialogue

Dialogue Tags

Passive

Verbing

Robert Bevan 

Nat Russo

Laura Oliva